Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
