i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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