Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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