I hate your face
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
