i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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