I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
