No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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