i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dignity is for republicans.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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