Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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