Moan for me like Helen Keller
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
