all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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