you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
