I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
