I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
