Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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