Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
