just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
