I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
