Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
