I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
