i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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