he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
