Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
