I can text with my tongue
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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