did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
