ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize