physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
