I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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