So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
