just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
