You really coming over, don't trick.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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