U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
