I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
