weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
