It's Friday. Sex?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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