I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
