Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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