hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
