Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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