get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
