I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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