Sry I called you an 8
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
