I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I want a musical about memes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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