I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
