I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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