I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's paper in my vomit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
