It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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