I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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