we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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