atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
