As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
