You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
PANTIES FOUND
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