I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
