i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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