he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
