Don't you send me to vm
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
