Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
