Having a random hookup so left but love u
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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