last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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