i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
