I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
