you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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