its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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