So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
