his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
