he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize