My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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